


Long hair and cold weather

by Katherine_Lionhearted



Series: Shinigamis love TV spots [4]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Crack, Dangerous vacuum cleaners, Friendship, Hair, Humor, M/M, Some Swearing, TV spots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5124374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katherine_Lionhearted/pseuds/Katherine_Lionhearted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Undertaker and Grell have beatiful, long hair. Long hair truly are a pride but... sometimes they bring some issues too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long hair and cold weather

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Kathy here, again! So, anyone who doesn’t feel like washing her long hair during winter because of the cold weather? Jeez, I’m freezing! But I have to, so no more complaining and let’s move to this new, cracky story!

Long hair and cold weather.

Winter. 

It’s so cold, yet so beautiful and relaxing. How water, comfortable blankets, warm food and drinks. Yes, that’s just perfect. You can take a long bath and relax, cuddles are even more pleasant during this period and… Fuck, when you get warm and cozy during a bath, you just have to return to your duties and prepare to freeze out of the hot tub you liked so much. And just when you think you have dried your body well with a towel, you remember you have long hair. Your beautiful, long, soaked hair that touch your spine with its icy extremity and freeze you out without even giving you a chance to escape their cold embrace. 

Fuck. 

But since you love your hair so much, you will tolerate that and continue with your task, trying not to freeze in the process. And Undertaker does that too. And with no complaints. 

He often thought about cutting his hair, having a modern hair style that could avoid him the freezing part after a bath but it was no use. He loved that part of him way too much. He and Grell had often spoke about that and they had discovered they did have something in common. No one had to touch their hair. Not in the past, not now, not ever. Other people used to criticize them, saying something like “males have short hair” or “it would be easier to keep them short”. And Grell used to politely point out he was a lady before trying to chop their heads off with his chainsaw while Undertaker kept them in place. Believe it or not, they could be a nice couple; they used to fuck in the past, but after Grell got together with William, Undertaker knew he had no chance to win the lady’s heart, so he backed off and transferred his whole love on his hair’s care.

x.X.x

Elder people sometimes have issues with technology but young ones try to help them. The problem was, Undertaker wasn’t too old for a Shinigami and he just had to do things on his own. His pride wouldn’t let him ask for help. Did that fucking electric box want his blood? No way, he would win the battle. But even if he was a damn good death god, he couldn’t make that television work. Fuck Grell and her obsession with televisions. She convinced him to buy one for his entertainment, she said many channels offered free laughs, she even said he could buy the things human showed on TV! But that thing didn’t want to work and now he was far from amused, he was furious. In order to buy that thing, he had to work and accept money. He had always said he didn’t need the Queen’s cash, that woman was too shallow and infuriating for him. Come on, humans had executed Marie Antoinette in the past and she wasn’t so unfriendly and fun-killing as English Royals! He could execute her by the way but he already was a deserter, killing her would have caused more trouble for him that he didn’t need at the moment. 

The poor Shinigami resolved he had to call his young friends, so he called Grell that called William that called Ronald since he was at work and couldn’t pay a visit to Undertaker. Grell and Ronald arrived after some minutes with a tool case and a huge grin on their faces. Now they even had an excuse to slack off, and that was just the awesome happenstance! They tried to turn the television in every way they could, they chopped a few cables, Grell even tried to treat the electronic box with her chainsaw, they risked broking it twice and in the end anything had changed. Undertaker’s TV didn’t work. Grell was angry, her television was way more obedient than this one. However, they ended up calling William again. Poor William had to run there because Grell said something inside the television was exploded and now everything was on fire. When he arrived, he discovered Grell’s speeches were all lies and he hit her with his pruner. Hard. The redhead complained a lot while William tried to fix the TV. At the end of the day, that thing was fixed and William had voluntarily assigned himself overtime. But he trailed Grell and Ronald with him. Those two would help him now or he would organize a Halloween Massacre Party just for the three of them. You can figure out how that would have worked.

x.X.x

Undertaker was laughing hard inside his shop. All the fuss about that TV was worth every second he had spent working on it! Grell was right: channels really broadcasted funny things! He had watched a lot of things while baking biscuits and eating them but now he almost was hypnotized because of what he was seeing. 

Really? Did that thing really exist? 

Apparently, there really was something that could dry your hair without waiting for air to do that for you. It was something useful… Grell had told him to call her whenever he wanted to buy something presented on TV but hey, he was a grown man and he could do that himself. Plus, that dry-hair or how they called it was sold with special accessories that could help people make different coiffures. That seemed funny. 

The thing Undertaker didn’t know, was that while he was thinking about buying it, he accidentally pressed a button in the remote control that changed the channel he was watching: the channel was now showing a vacuum cleaner and the perfect number to call if you wanted to buy it.

x.X.x

The package was there. Cool! Undertaker brought it inside his shop and opened it. Here it was, his hair dryer. He immediately run for a hot bath, happy that he wouldn’t suffer from freezing goosebumps anymore because of his soaked hair.

He prepared his bath, spend a lot of time relaxing and then he got out. He plug the hoover in and pressed the button “ON”. And then hell broke loose. 

That crazy object started to suck his hair in and he just couldn’t get them out! He tried to struggle against it, he even evoked his Scythe on it but no, he would just cut his precious hair. He stopped the machine, he unplugged the hoover but it was no use, his hair were trapped. So he did the only thing he could do. He embraced the hoover, grabbed his phone and called Grell.

-“Grell, hi darling, it’s Unny.”

-“Darling! Oh, I missed your beautiful eyes so much, I’m so glad you called! I was bored with all the paperwork I have to do and-“

-“Yes, yes, I know but please, let me speak first. I recently bought a new object humans were promoting and that awful thing captured my hair and I can’t free them! You didn’t tell me buying things on TV was so dangerous! Could you help me dear, I really need a hand."

-“Uff, I guess it’s my fault. But I told you to call me if you wanted to buy something! You’re just stubborn, that how you are! Try to resist, I’m coming!”

Undertaker resisted, yes he tried, but Grell didn’t come. After two hours passed with his awful robotic companion, he noticed someone sneaking inside his shop. Grell had arrived, finally.

-“Grell, dear, I don’t want to be unpolite but… I CALLED YOU TWO FUCKING HOURS AGO! WHERE WERE YOU?”

-“William kept me at work, he said I couldn’t slack off! Plus, he knows about all the sexual tension there is between us, he knows you would like to ravish me here and now and-“

-“How much I fuck and when is my business, my dear, now please, help me get rid of this tricky thing!”

After many efforts and some swearing, Grell decided it was time to plug the hoover again and try a different thing. He used all her strength and she managed to free Undertaker’s hair. Only to tangle her own hair in Undertaker’s one and to see that the vacuum cleaner had sucked them both in. 

x.X.x

Next morning, Undertaker went for a walk, only to see people laughing at him. 

Grell arrived at the offices and noticed the same thing. 

When the two watched themselves in the mirror that day, they noticed they got an involuntary perm. No hairdresser could ever try to fix that. Both males were either too in love with their hair or too proud to ever try listen to one of them. Hairdressers truly are useless when you need them.

**Author's Note:**

> Kathy’s corner!
> 
> Hop, hop! Hi again! 
> 
> Meh, I don’t like hairdressers. It’s not that I don’t like them as people, it’s that they usually don’t listen to you when you express your preferences about hairstyles. They do what they want. They’re tricky people, beware! XD


End file.
